Jeremiah 1:5 – “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.”
Years ago, during a conversation with someone I was dating, I expressed how hearing about his past relationships hurt me. His response caught me off guard: he said I was “kinda sounding obsessed.”
That moment left me reflecting deeply, and as I brought my feelings to God, He opened my understanding of why I felt that way. Jeremiah 1:5 played a key role in helping me see things more clearly.
When God created each of us, He did so with specific plans and purposes for our lives. This includes the person He chose for us to marry. Before you ever met your spouse (or future spouse), you already belonged to one another in God’s design—just as we belonged to God before we entered the world.
A Reflection of God’s Love
God created us to love, worship, and fellowship with Him. But when we entered the world, many of us forgot Him—our first love. Instead, we pursued worldly desires and became disconnected from the spiritual bond that ties us to Him. In the Old Testament, God repeatedly refers to this as idolatry, likening it to unfaithfulness.
Imagine how God feels watching us turn away from Him. Yet, in His love and mercy, He welcomes us back, cleansing and forgiving us through Jesus Christ.
This helped me understand why thinking about a spouse’s past relationships can hurt. In God’s eyes, your spouse was always meant for you. It’s like someone else using something that was created specifically for you—it can feel unfair and unsettling.
This also reveals why God instructs us to wait until marriage for intimacy. When we follow His plan, we protect the sanctity of the bond He intended for us, just as Christ protects His relationship with the Church.
Preparing Your Marriage to Reflect Christ
Our marriages are designed to reflect Christ’s relationship with His Bride—the Church. Just as the Church is cleansed and redeemed, our marriages should also begin with repentance and renewal.
Here are three steps to help strengthen your relationship:
1. Ask for Forgiveness
Sit down with your spouse (or your fiancé, if you’re engaged) and sincerely ask for forgiveness for the ways you may have given parts of yourself to past relationships. Acknowledge this together and allow God’s grace to bring healing.
2. Identify Negative Patterns
Both of you should reflect on and list any negative traits, habits, or patterns you’ve observed in yourself—whether inherited from family, developed in past relationships, or stemming from personal struggles. These might include anger, mistrust, infidelity, pride, or fear.
3. Pray to Break Negative Altars
Join together in prayer to renounce and break free from these patterns. These spiritual “altars” represent strongholds that can harm your marriage if left unchecked. Pray specifically and fervently to destroy them. Follow the command set by God in Deuteronomy 7:5, “But thus shall ye deal with them; ye shall destroy their altars, and break down their images, and cut down their groves, and burn their graven images with fire.”
For example:
“We declare that every altar speaking against our marriage is torn down now by fire in Jesus’ name. Altars of divorce—we tear you down by fire. Altars of barrenness—we tear you down by fire. Altars of infidelity—we tear you down by fire. Altars of anger—we tear you down by fire. Altars of poverty—we tear you down by fire. Altars of fear—we tear you down by fire. By fire, by fire, by fire in Jesus’ name, we destroy these altars and their hold over our lives!”
This isn’t a one-time prayer. It may take time to fully break free from deeply rooted habits or spiritual struggles, but through persistent prayer and faith, transformation will come.
A Lasting Covenant
God desires our marriages to be free from the baggage of past hurts and sins. Just as Christ makes us new creations, we are called to bring that same renewal into our relationships. When we follow God’s plan for marriage, we create a bond that reflects His love—pure, sacrificial, and eternal.
For those who are married: How does your relationship reflect Christ’s love for the Church?
For those yet to marry: What steps can you take now to prepare your heart and life for the one God has chosen for you?
If you’d like to learn more about spiritual altars and how to break free from them, check out this link for additional teachings and prayers.
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