In promoting my new book, A Shattered Life Restored, I wrote this post as part of my blog tour. It’s a topic I know all too well, but I thought I had long moved past my grief—until the release of my book brought many memories back to the surface.
What Is Grieving?
According to Mayo Clinic, “Grief is a strong, sometimes overwhelming emotion for people, regardless of whether their sadness stems from the loss of a loved one or from a terminal diagnosis they or someone they love have received.”
They go on to say that during grief, “we might find ourselves feeling numb and removed from daily life, unable to carry on with regular duties while saddled with a sense of loss.”
I felt exactly that way when I lost my husband, Jeff.
Jeff and I were the best of friends. We shared everything. I could even say to him, “Jeff, that man looks nice, doesn’t he?” and he wouldn’t be jealous because he knew me well enough to understand it was just a simple compliment and nothing more.
We knew each other for four years before we got married. During that time, we lived in different countries, so we wrote letters and called each other every day. What truly strengthened our relationship was our belief in Psalm 127. We always ended our calls with one of us reading the Word and the other praying.
It built both our spiritual lives and our relationship so deeply that we became one in every way—not just physically.
The Loss
Friday, July 17, 2009, was the last time I spoke to Jeff. I was heading to church that evening.After service, my pastor’s wife shared that she had a dream of seeing me in a valley of blood. She wasn’t sure if it was me or another “Marsha” who attended our church. I didn’t understand what it meant at the time.
The next day, I called Jeff as usual, but his phone rang out. I assumed he was helping his friend with the truck he often worked on. When he still didn’t call back that night, I grew concerned and called his house.
His cousin Ann answered. She explained that Jeff’s mom couldn’t speak and then broke the devastating news to me.
I was in shock. When I hung up the phone, I didn’t cry or react—I just couldn’t believe it.
The Five Stages of Grief
Denial and Isolation
At first, I was in denial. It felt surreal, like something that couldn’t possibly be happening. The only thing I could think of doing was calling my pastor. He told me, “Don’t get bitter.” It was advice many might reject, but it kept me grounded in my faith during those early days.
Jeff and I had been married only 22 days. He passed away in his sleep due to a mix of prescription medications he took for lingering pain after a fall. A word of caution: always consult a doctor before combining medications.
That Sunday, I went to church. When the pastor shared the news with the congregation, it was the first time I cried openly. Even then, it still hadn’t fully sunk in.
Anger
Surprisingly, I didn’t experience anger. From the moment it happened, I believed God had a purpose in it.
Bargaining
This is where I lingered for a while. I remember praying fervently for God to bring Jeff back, just as He raised Lazarus. My grief spoke louder than reason. One day, during prayer, God revealed to me that this was a test—like Abraham’s.
Depression
After that Sunday, I withdrew from everything, including church. I felt deeply sad and hurt. I cried silently as memories of our time together played over and over in my mind.
There were moments when I sensed an eerie presence, which I knew wasn’t Jeff but an evil spirit feeding off my pain. That experience inspired Meg’s struggles in A Shattered Life Restored. I spent one night in intense prayer to rid myself of that presence.
To my surprise, I heard from only two people from my church during that time. Not even my pastor reached out. It hurt deeply, but God used it to help me understand how many grieving people feel isolated. The parable of Jesus leaving the 99 sheep to find the one lost soul became even more meaningful to me.
Even though I felt alone, God’s presence sustained me. I could feel Him every day, like He was hugging me.
Acceptance
Over time, I began to embrace God’s presence more fully. His love helped me heal and gave me the strength to share hope with others.
Even after nine years, I still miss Jeff, my best friend. I know many of you will always miss your loved ones, too.
Why I Wrote This Book
The idea for A Shattered Life Restored came from a simple vision of a woman sitting at a train station, looking sad. I had no idea what God had planned through this story, but I now see it was meant to bring healing and hope.
If you’re grieving, I hope my story reminds you that God’s love is ever-present, even in the darkest times. Let His presence embrace you, as it did me. If my story blessed you or if you’d like to share your own experience, I’d love to hear from you.
Discover A Shattered Life Restored—a powerful story of relationships, overcoming grief, redemption, and the fight to protect your children from the enemy's grip. Learn practical spiritual warfare tactics to equip and empower any praying parent to claim victory through faith. 💪📖
Take a listen of a snippet from my book about how do you grieve.
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