Have you ever experienced something from your past that hurt you really bad that you still struggle to let go of?
Well, you’re not alone—I did too and so do a lot of persons.
One experience with a supposed friend still stands out clearly in my mind.
That experience INSPIRED a major event which impacted the life of the main character, in my book released in March of this year called- Her Treasured love
We met when I was on my way to spend some time at the latin dance club where I used to hang out after work to relax. We talked about life and family and faith and the conversation flowed so easily. During that time as well, I told him I wanted to wait until I got married to have sex, especially after all heartaches I had had previously and he seemed to understand.
After that night, we spoke a few more times before he invited me to the Reggae Sunfest-a yearly event that happens in Jamaica, showcasing many of our Reggae talents and veterans. It was a well-known event. I have never been to one of those shows before and was excited to attend, and accepted the invitation.
I had no idea the show started so late and we travelled from Kingston to Montego Bay, which was about 2-3 hours depends on which end of island you’re coming from. By the time we got there it was around midnight and I thought it would be full by then but the venue was half full and only a couple of artists had performed already.
The atmosphere was full of excitement seeing persons from different parts of the world and seeing so many different performers. I was really enjoying myself and my friend was a gentleman the whole night. There was a moment that we kissed during the night but it wasn’t anything crazy. In my mind I was thinking that nothing is wrong to kiss someone you like if he already knows where you stand on relationships and how far you want to go.
Then around 2 am when the show seemed to be at its peak a thunderstorm came out of nowhere and poured so heavily. I mean really heavy. Imagine trying to find a parked vehicle amongst many in the night while everyone was scrambling towards their own vehicles. By the time we found ours we both were soaked right through.
Inside the car was as uncomfortable as ever, trying to sleep in wet clothes and not on the most comfortable seats through the remainder of the morning; as we had decided to wait until daybreak to drive out.
By daybreak we were dry, but I was extremely exhausted. Even having breakfast later that morning on our way home did not lift the feeling. My body felt as if it was still asleep. When we started the journey again towards home, I felt so happy when he mentioned stopping at a motel for about an hour or two thinking we could just rest some more.
By the time we got there and walked in, I fell back onto the bed and closed my eyes. I had no idea that he had other intentions especially already knowing where I stood. I will not go into details of that experience but I felt so angry at myself for thinking that I could trust him to not take advantage of me in such a situation.
I even allowed him to take me home after that encounter not knowing what to do. It was then that I messaged him and told him how I felt. That was the last I heard or saw him. I lived with that experience for nearly 7 years thinking that I caused it on myself by kissing him—even though it was an innocent kiss.
Why I struggled to let go of the past?
The fact is I blamed myself, and in doing so, began to feel shameful and guilty about the entire experience. I had only shared this experience with one person and it was he who made me feel better about the experience and not beat myself up so much but this was years later.
In that moment, it was like the Holy Spirit birth the idea in me to make this experience of mine part of the main character’s struggle and build a story around how she struggles to trust the true intentions of men after that incident.
It is amazing how while writing the book the Holy Spirit brings scriptures to add to the story to bring healing to the character and in doing so, brought me healing as well.
Many times, we see ourselves as filthy, not good enough and can or often times block our own blessings. It’s often times hard to forgive ourselves when we feel were to blame and even if we put ourselves in situations that sometimes causes our afflictions, the fact that we didn’t agree to whatever happened shouldn’t cause us to make ourselves feel defeated.
But the first step to overcoming this is embracing God’s grace and mercy that he loves us enough to feel our infirmities.
Hebrews 4 v 14-16, "Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
Then forgive yourself.
Taking our eyes off the pain and hurt and keeping our eyes on Christ who died for us to take away our pain and hurt. One of the ways we become defeated and struggle with letting go is when the devil uses the hurt, we endure and torment us through our mind with negative thoughts to keep us oppressed. The battle starts and ends in the mind.
If we can stay in the word of God as Peter kept his eyes on Jesus in the middle of raging situations we won’t sink in the seas of despair.
2 Corinthians 10v4-5 says: “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.: (2 Corinthians 10v4-5)
Here is a prayer you can prayer to rebuke every thought that the devil wants to use to keep you stuck in the prison in your mind.
In the name of Jesus, I take divine authority over my mind. As the word of God reveals in 2 Corinthians 10 v 4-5 that my warfare isn’t carnal but against strongholds waging war in my mind. I pull down every stronghold in my mind now in the name of Jesus. I cast down every evil imagination and every high thing that satanic messengers from the gates of hell have exalted in my mind against the knowledge of Christ Jesus. Every evil thought that says: I will never be good enough, that says I will never I rise above my situation and fulfil my destiny or my purpose, that says I am a worthless (you can change and add whatever words that you keep hearing) I render you powerless. I overthrow your words and declare that your evil report shall not stand against me. I bring every evil word spoken against my life now into captivity to the obedience of Christ in Jesus name.
That is how I took back my life by trusting God and clinging to his love for me. Don’t let the devil keep you in bondage to the things of the past and one thing you can do as well to close that door is to forgive the ones who hurt you. Trust me when you start looking for scriptures that speaks to overcoming hurt and then taking those words and declaring them every time the devil comes, that is when you start to win the battle in your mind as well as pray the above prayer.
How do you love again after being hurt?
The book- Her Treasured Love is one that will help you overcome the hurt you endured and allows you to see God while he pours his love on you and show you how to let go. It will let you start to see yourself the way God see you and draw you into a deeper relationship with him, feeling his love and give you the courage to embrace the one He sends your way that you would have rejected if you hadn't allow him to heal you.
God always brings me healing through the stories he uses me to write. Causing me to get out my comfort zone and share the most painful experiences in my life that I would have rather kept to myself all to bring healing to others and glory to his name.
Remember the battle starts and ends in your mind.
Her Treasured Love by Marshalee Patterson is such an inspirational story. Wonderful characters and storyline. This book is definitely a page Turner, I highly recommend this book. Sherry Ferguson
This video is a snippet from my book -Her Treasured Love mentioned in this post, and it speaks on this topic. I hope you can check it out and share your thoughts. Hopefully, it will bless you too.
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